2018 boys golf trip to Newcastle - photo taken circa 9am (sober) before teeing off for final round of trip and train home to London

The last time The Open took up residence at Royal Portrush in July 2019, it was hard to deduce whose stakes were higher: mine, or Rory McIlroy’s.

Those of you who know your Golf history will recall that 2019 was the year when The Open returned to Northern Ireland for the first time in almost 70 years, having only been hosted in either Scotland or England until that point. Whilst that in itself was a newsworthy headline, the media attention was more laser focused on the homecoming of the prodigal son, Rory Mcilroy, who had played on Royal Portrush’s hallowed turf many times as a youngster and was therefore a much fancied favorite to lift the Claret Jug.

Yet, whilst Rory and his legion of fans were praying to the Golfing gods for a major victory, I was on my hands and knees begging for a divine intervention of my own.

Circa 9pm, train home to London from Newcastle, considerably more inebriated than the version of me seen 12 hours previous (see above)

On Sunday 14 July 2019 - exactly 4 days prior to Rory’s excruciating 4 over opening hole disaster on day 1 of the tournament - I woke up in my London apartment, following my latest alcohol-fueled bout of self-sabotage and was confronted with instant feelings of impending doom, coupled with a tsunami of shame and guilt.

Much like Rory in his ill-fated opening round, in which he carded an 8 over 79 to leave himself with a mountain to climb to make the weekend, I similarly found myself trying to scale a seemingly insurmountable summit.

Though I’d endured and survived many blowouts in my lifetime, this one felt different: the hole that it left me in felt deeper and darker than ever before. Where Rory could be forgiven for wanting to NR his scorecard, I was ready to NR on life.

Yet, instead of throwing in the towel, I chose to keep grinding, trusting the process and knowing that if put the work in, I’d see the results.

Over the last 6 years, I’ve taken a thorough inventory of myself. I’ve forensically studied my childhood and adolescent years to understand how or why I behave the way I do, or possess certain traits. I’ve learned so much about myself, not only as a son, brother, husband and father, but also as a Golfer.

Today, as I accomplish the milestone of my 6th sober anniversary, I feel immensely grateful for all that sobriety has given me. Today, I find that the rough feels less penal and the fairways feel more fulfilling than ever.

In recovery, we are taught never to shut the door on our past and to always learn from it. Moreover, we are promised a life beyond our wildest dreams, if we are willing to work for it.

With this in mind, I implore you to watch the post-round interview which Rory gave to Sky Sports’ Tim Barter, after agonizingly missing the cut back in 2019.

He choked up with a public showing of vulnerability, which at that time he was not known for. Indeed, I’d argue it was a watershed moment in his career, that has defined the way in which he carries himself in the media ever since.

An emotional Rory McIlroy giving an interview to Tim Barter after missing the cut at Royal Portrush in 2019

He said it would take him a while to get over this setback. He spoke of resilience. He thanked those people nearest and dearest to him for their unwavering support. He emphasised the importance of learning from the past, whilst focusing on a brighter future.

I remember finding myself transfixed on his every word. It was as if he was subliminally addressing all of these anecdotes towards my own context, at a time in my life when I was grappling with the will to live and the prospect of getting my life back on track and achieving what I’d long considered to be a pipedream: physical and emotional sobriety.

Despite him having fallen painstakingly short of his fulfilling his own dreams, Rory’s plight served to inspire me to transcend my own cut line and find a reason to not only stay alive, but to strive for lasting sobriety.

If my experience has taught me anything, it is that we can all get there, if we just take it one swing at a time…

How Rory’s missed cut at The Open in 2019 helped me get sober

Golf Yourself Puzzled